Hey, Dude! Your Stand Up Set Was Fine, But It’s Still Not “Shallow” by Lady Gaga

Hey, dude! I loved your stand up set. Thanks for inviting me out to a basement show at 11pm on a weeknight. No for real, I didn’t mind at all even if the kitchen did close at 10:30pm. I’m happy to support your creative endeavors. Can I give some feed back though? Make it more like “Shallow” by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper from the hit movie A Star is Born.

No, no, no, I get it. You’re working on a tight five to submit into some places. You’re trying to hone your craft and really make your own style shine through. That’s dope. Mad respect. But what if instead of five minutes it was a crisp three minutes and thirty-six seconds? And also, instead of jokes about tinder and smoking weed it was more about a damaged man and lost woman searching for something greater in each other, but ultimately falling deeper into their own confusion. What about that?

Don’t get me wrong – I’m glad I came to this east side comedy club. I didn’t even mind that it was a mass Facebook invite and not, say, a more personal one. I just think you could change your material a bit to appeal to a wider audience. You’ve been doing the same jokes since you moved here four years ago. Your jokes about your dick and your playful Islamophobia about the bodega guy are growing a little stale. I just think you could’ve swapped out some of that material for a gut wrenching crescendo of vocal prowess like Lady Gaga does in the song “Shallow.”

Yes, I know she won the Oscar for it. Yes, I know that was months ago and the movie probably isn’t culturally relevant anymore. But when I see you up there whiff a joke and then go, “Okay! Hehe, scratch that joke.” All I can think is how much better it would be if your set was not your set and you weren’t you. In fact, I think everything would be much better. I think if you weren’t you and you were in fact Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta, and your bit wasn’t a trite and offensive five-minute ordeal about, really, nothing and, instead, it was a song that means SOMETHING then I think you’d have a lot more friends and wouldn’t feel like a total fucking sponge. Everyone hates you, Kyle. EVERYONE. But NOBODY hates the song “Shallow” by Lady Gaga. I’m just pointing out the facts here, buddy. Tough love. I’m not coming to your show at 2am at the Alligator Lounge. Their pizzas are dog shit and so are your foamposites.


By: Alex Gonzalez

Follow Alex @nahitsjustalex


Stellar Underground is a blog dedicated to keeping up with the up and coming comedians in New York City. And, since we are obsessed with comedy in general- we also talk about everything in between.

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