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BREAKING NEWS: Sydnee Washington Launches Ankle Exposé


“Sub-zero,” “bomb cyclone,” “polar vortex:” words all of us New Yorkers (and East-Coasters in general but who cares about states like VIRGINIA) have been inundated with since the New Year began. In these trying times, public safety and government officials issued many warnings and tips on how to stay safe and keep warm -- but there is one warning by Stellar alum, Sydnee Washington, that has been largely overlooked: Cover. Your. Damn. Ankles. We’re here to bring you the hard-hitting news and highlight Washington’s Ankle Exposé.

About a month ago, Washington tweeted: “How am I supposed to trust you? You have all ur ankles out in 22 degree weather. If you don’t care about them, u damn for sure won’t care about me.” Since then, the weather took a turn for the worst with wind chills making real feel temperatures hit in the negatives. Thus began the birth of: Ankle Exposé. Washington began and continues to do the Lord’s work by exposing masochistic sociopaths walking around New York with their exposed ankles in the hopes of enlightening others.


Washington finds these people from all areas and situations in New York and even receives tags from other sane folks on social media who point out exposed ankles. While some of the worst offenders receive public shaming, most offenders receive a mixed media collage complete with shaming sentences, stickers, and several hazy images of Washington’s judgmental and surprised face. She asks, “what in the Jitney Express foolishness is this?” as she zooms in on bare ankles in low cut loafers circled by question marks and an expression of worry on her face; She assumes facts about your personality based on the degree of exposed ankle; she judges the acceptability of a party based on the amount of bare ankles in the crowd; and she will make you think twice before reaching for those capri pants.


As a reformed exposed ankle heathen, I think about Washington every morning as I look for long socks, yearn to wear those cropped office pants that make my rear look angelic, and debate if I really need socks in flats. Where I once lived in fear that she would showcase my half frostbitten ankles on her Instagram, I now live in contentment, knowing that she is just trying to spread the divine truth about warmed ankles. Next time you reach for those low socks, ask yourself: W.W.S.D (What Would Sydnee Do?)


#AlanaSeggman #SydneeWashington #StellarUnderground #ankleexpose #comicwatch #funnywomen #bestupandcomingcomedians #newyorkcity