The End is Nigh: Fear the Rats, Scientists Say They're Evolving

If you’ve ever been on the subway at 3AM or in the park after dark (don’t judge me), you know it’s really the rats who run New York City, and now things are about to get really, really real. The rats have evolved, and there’s no turning back. These diseased spawn of Satan “animals” are now accustomed to eating a fast food diet and, surely, it’s only a matter of time before they turn their insatiable hunger to us humans.

Scientists, Stephen Harris of State University of New York and Jason Munshi-South of Fordham University, casually took their love of mice to the streets and caught 48 mice from New York City parks and three rural areas nearby to see if these city critters have evolved.

They singled out cells and genomes to see how the urban mice differed from the suburban mice, focusing on the genes associated with digestion and their tiny trash metabolisms. They found one particular gene that suggests most city rats have non-alcoholic fatty liver disease from eating so much fast food. Harris and Munshi-South called it – get ready for this – THE CHEESEBURGER HYPOTHESIS. Basically, the vermin of New York will eat anything and everything standing in their way… even, probably one day, humans.

Recall the delightful flashbacks, about a year ago, of the city’s beloved treasure: Pizza Rat. Pizza Rat was a sensation, an overnight superstar, a hard working rat just trying to feed his family, and a gem of the infinitely expanding rat community. But now, Pizza Rat has become a much more sinister symbol – Pizza Rat symbolized just the beginning. What was once a delightful tale has now become a nightmarish foreshadowing of the future. A fearless rat willing to risk his life and hurl his body and meal across a busy subway platform at all costs. The story of Pizza Rat, coupled with this new science can only lead us to believe one thing: the rats are coming.

Stay safe, New York.

#AlanaSeggman #StellarUnderground #PizzaRat #Mice #Rats #newyorkcity #newyorkcityrats #fridaythe13th #humorandnews


Stellar Underground is a blog dedicated to keeping up with the up and coming comedians in New York City. And, since we are obsessed with comedy in general- we also talk about everything in between.

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