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EXPOSED: Joel Osteen Trades In "WWJD" for "What Would Joel Do", Hurricane Harvey


If you’ve been living under a rock, been too high to function, or became blind after looking at the Eclipse for too long, you may not have seen the devastation in Houston from Hurricane Harvey. It is a disaster of epic proportions, dumping 11 trillion gallons of water so far, leaving tens of thousands in need of temporary shelter.

Obviously, that’s a large number of people to accommodate. In rare situations like these, it should be all hands on deck. Unless apparently, your hands are too busy holding the large amount of money you rake in from hoodwinked believers who attend your megachurch.

(Let’s all take a moment of silence and ironically pray for the end of “megachurches” and their corrupt, greedy pastors)


Joel Osteen, Televangelist and guy who interrupts parties to tell really bad jokes and makes things awkward, closed the doors to his 16,800 seat church in downtown Houston. Not because it was overcrowded, or flooded. In fact, the opposite. It wasn’t either of those things, and it’s very important to Joel to keep his God Arena spic and span.

Now, to be fair and represent both sides (and also call out bullshit), Ministry spokesman Donald Iloff says the property is inaccessible due to the floods, though photographic evidence has proven otherwise. And O has responded to critics by stating “We are prepared to house people once shelters reach capacity.” Oh, that’s nice.


I guess when the bible says “Give justice to the weak and the fatherless; maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute. Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked”, it didn’t really mean it, right Joel? I mean, you could totally interpret that to mean, “Hide in your lavish mansion while the hurricane relentlessly pummels the less fortunate, and at the same time seek flood-relief donations to your Gigachapel”. Just depends on your individual perspective…


Perhaps calling yourself a “Non-denominational” Church applies only to Christianity, and not banknotes. It seems to me you are in need of a new title for your Worship Zone. The “Church of Excess” sounds good. Or “Covetousness of the Holy Me”. Maybe something like, “Literally I’ll Just Speak At You For A While and Then You Can Give Me A Lot Of Your Cash Community Church”. Let me know, I’ll do your marketing materials for a discount and save you some dough.

#kelseyanonsen #StellarUnderground #joelosteen #hurricaneharvey #houston #satire #houstonstrong #humorandnews

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