Nathan Usher is surprisingly self-aware in this revelatory tweet about his inner workings. In response to his admission, I felt it necessary to enlighten our readers with a list of a lot less successful inventions, before their more effective replacements took over.
The “Are You Alive Stick” - replaced with Doctors.
Dog Shackles - people complained due to the dog's being innocent and goddamned cute. The Dog Leash is it's popular successor.
Noodle Fork - originated in England in 18whatever-the-fuck but abandoned shorty after a pasta dish got confused with cutlery and the fancy royal dinner guests were forced to eat with their hands.
Lettuce Fork - inspired by the Noodle Fork, however production ceased due to the fork being made out of Lettuce.
Jimmy’s Skin - replaced by the “Thermometer” after Jimmy let hundreds of kids stay home from school, therefore neglecting their education and later in life, voting for Trump.
Blow Torch Tongue! - a popular southern challenge where contestants literally took a flame thrower to their taste buds to prove how manly they were. However, too many manly men died, which tarnished the manly title. Hot Wings competitions filled the void.
Carefully Selecting and Training Inch Worms - a meticulously devised system for picking the best, straightest walking worms, developed by Gidfroy Meluntop (IQ - 7). However, after the first implementation, it was clear the plan would forever be foiled by the Early Bird. Tape Measures are now the distance determining powerhouse.
The lesson to be learned here is that sometimes you fail. Sometimes you don’t succeed. Sometimes (and the rest of the times) you’re not the next Edison. Sometimes life hands you lemons and you just hold the lemons looking dumb. But at least you never tried to invent Handerpants…